Publishing That Audio Book

And so the time came to click that little button: Publish.

Whether it’s on Smashwords or Amazon’s KDP or Findaway Voices, it’s a bloody hard button to click. The cursor dances around it. The mouse button doesn’t seem to click properly. Joey comes asking for something or other. Either way, the gremlins and gods conspire to prevent that button from being clicked.

Who am I kidding? Me, obviously. Just press the damn button already. It’s only a mouse click, after all. Two glasses of whisky later and a stiff self-reprimand, I get to the point where I’m about to do it. No, wait, I’d better check over it all. I’ve already checked it twice, but hey, let’s go for a third time. There comes a wave of angst, followed by paranoia, followed by the chill of ‘what if…’

What if I make a complete fool of myself? What if my voice is too nasal, too dry, too Aussie, not Aussie enough? What if I’ve mispronounced a word or skipped a sentence or edited out a crucial piece of prose? What if I should have used the Grosvenor Lane music for the intro? What if, what if, what if?

One more shot of whisky, one more attempt to blind my conscience and fool my censure and just go for broke. One more shot to hit the damn button that will release me from my anguish. After all, if I don’t publish, what was all the work for? If I do publish, and fail, so what? So what? So. What.

So… I take a breath and steel my nerves with whatever alcohol-free neurons I can muster, slap my already-red cheek for the last time and straighten my back. It has a curious effect, sitting up straight does. The spine clicks into place, the muscles stretch, rejoice. I feel empowered.

My glass is empty. Joey is in bed. The cat is asleep on the couch with Wifey. The computer fan hums. There are no more distractions. No more dancing cats on YouTube. No more, no more. Nothing left between me and the button.

It’s just a collection of pixels, anyway. About a hundred or so wide, forty or fifty deep. Push the button.

I’ve come this far. I can stall another week, yes, spend another week going over what I’ve already gone over. Yes, or I could push the button!

I’ve nothing to lose, except my credibility, but do I even have that any more? Is that measurable? Is that quantifiable? Who cares, just push the button.

I push the button. It’s a bothersome, annoying anticlimax. No fanfare. No sounds or rewarding animations or trumpets. Just a confirmation. A bloody confirmation. Well, that’s all I was after, anyway.

And so the button was clicked, Grosvenor Lane Ghost was published and the waiting game begins.

Findaway Voices Audiobooks

The time came to just get the rotten thing up, up onto the grand international platform of electrons called the ‘internet’. I had tried ACX, but that was ruled out by geography. I mean, in this age of inter-everything, I didn’t think it would be an issue. Go figure.

So I turn to Smashwords again for help. They are teamed up with Findaway. I had just finished Tedrick Gritswell Makes Waves and, at the end of the publishing cycle, the Smashwords website suggested using Findaway to get vocals for my book.

Well, that certainly sounds like a nice idea, but I wanted to try it myself, first, before going the whole hog. The good news is that they carry many of the same requirements as ACX, but no restrictions to geographical boundaries. What’s more, like Smashwords, they do this aggregation thing called ‘Voices Plus’ where you publish through them to lots of other channels, not just Audible. This I can get onboard with.

I’ve never liked the whole ‘exclusivity’ thing. You know, “Only deal with us or else!” I think if something is available here, it should be available there, and there and there, otherwise you’ve got bullying and monopolies and all of that.

So the uploading process is alright. You need a cover, square, 3000 x 3000 pixels. Big. As you can imagine, the dimensions don’t quite work with the standard rectangular book shape. No worries, though, you can always insert the book into a square and add some text to the left or right of it:

So with the Bullet, I used the original cover and ‘squarified’ it. With the Paranormology series, starting with Grosvenor Lane, I’ve pushed the book to the right and put the necessary meta on the left. Too easy. Thankfully I already had my books in a large-enough format, so that meant getting it to 3,000 squared was less of a challenge than it might have been.

Opting into Voices Plus is optional, which is cool (I like that you aren’t forced to use their tools). By doing so, you are enrolled to all of the channels you can think of, and then some, and then some more. Pretty neat:

And while writing this, I think some more were added. Audiobooks, man, it’s like the next thing or something.

Uploading your audio is pretty good, too:


You fill in the bits: Title, subtitile, author(s), narrator(s), dates, etc. Then you upload each chapter, plus title, front matter, afterwords, etc. You can review them as you go, rearrange them, download them to check, etc.

My only problem was that my internet connection was crappy. Uploads of only a few kBs sometimes, and then it would cut out half way through. I would literally start an upload, go have a shower or mow the lawn or read Joey a story, come back and see if it passed or failed. On many occasions, it failed. Boo.

With better internet, I’m sure you’d have a better time. I can’t fault their servers for my lazy electrons. After this comes the grand part – publishing!